let me help you choose your last-second little gay halloween costume

I'm an expert!

Oct 21, 2024

Listen. It’s already October 21’st. October is slamming by, and you haven’t chosen a Halloween costume yet. That’s stressful, but it’s solvable because you have me to be your master costume consultant. I love a last-second thrifted or “thrown together from things I have at my house” costume. You don’t need to go to Party City; you don’t even need to go to Goodwill. A lot of these costumes can be crafted from random items you have in your home. Here are my best ideas, right off the dome:

Lizzie McGuire
Okay, I have always thought this would be a fantastic costume idea. Hot pink tank top, capris, platform sandals. If you’re already blonde, you are set and don’t even have to worry about buying or wearing a wig (I have thrown a cheap wig in the garbage at a dyke bar on so many Halloweens because I always forget that wearing a wig feels horrible).
Hannah Montana
Sorry that this one def requires a wig after I spent a lot of time talking about how horrible they are, but it’s not too late to buy a blonde wig at a random store in Chinatown and cut some bangs into it, and that is truly the hallmark of this costume. The outfit — as many layers as possible, bright colors, one glove. If you have a microphone at your house, bring it. Make people sing karaoke all night.
Cast of Jersey Shore
You have to admit that this would rock. A wild boardwalk T shirt or a fucked up Snookie outfit would pull this whole concept together in such a powerful way. If you could get one of those duck landlines…..that would change the game.
Ethan Craft
This guy was so cool. For better or worse, I think he is my dream aesthetic. If your partner is being Lizzie McGuire…..you could be Ethan. Or Gordo. Or Miranda. A lot of areas here depending on your whole deal.
Phil and Keely from Phil of the Future
I thought they were the MOMENT. I was so stoked when they got together in the show. I think if you bring a remote control and dress like it is 2005, this costume will speak for itself. Also, for Keely….ya gotta have one of those thin little scarves.
Coconut Head from Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide
Another Chinatown wig purchase moment. I think this would be breathtakingly funny. Recognizable to only a select group of randoms, but it would be such a hit with all of them. If I saw this costume at a party, I would lose my mind.
The movie Snow Day
This is a horrible costume idea because it is not at all recognizable, but it is also so fun. Baby Josh Peck!!
Juniper Lee from The Life and Times of Juniper Lee
She was the moment! Y2K girls want what she had! Again, a costume only four people will recognize. But I am one of them and I would flip my shit about this.
Penny Proud
I know this is not a unique idea and everyone is having it, but it’s just such a good idea and if it has not come across your socials yet, I wanted to be the one to plant that seed.
Sabrina, the teenage witch
Not enough people are being her for Halloween and I don’t get why. She is so iconic. The 90’s fits! If you have a stuffed cat and you do your hair in a fun jaunty little 90’s style……you’re set, baby.
Johnny Tsunami
“90’s Disney Channel Hot Boy” is the look of the season, and who was wearing it better than Johnny Tsunami? Absolutely no one. A little board shorts, a little surf shirt…..or lean into the snowboard of it all and go for that look. This is a costume that is ideal for the taciturn nature of October weather — decide the mood day of.
The OC cast
A group costume! When I saw this photo, I screamed “HE’S SHOWING FOOT” aloud vis a vis: Adam Brody. He is…the only one barefoot? Seth Cohen is not a great Halloween costume (not really recognizable) but it is a fun Halloween costume. This is the year of Adam Brody, but everyone’s gonna be the hot rabbi. Zag on ‘em and go for The OC.
Luke from TV’s Gilmore Girls

Everybody loves him. I don't know why this isn't a more popular costume, except for the fact that it doesn't look much like a costume. I don't care and I still think it's a great idea.

The gals from the movie Blue Crush
I’m like, the only person who saw this movie. But I love it and I think this would be a sick-ass Halloween costume.
Guy Fieri
I think this is actually a remarkably easy costume and no one is doing it, for some reason. Instantly recognizable and all the components are thrift-able.
Bennifer divorce
Couples costume! Ideally, you could wear these outfits from when they got into an argument outside of a Blockbuster.
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon
Also a couples costume. This would rock.
Ben Affleck carrying a bunch of Dunks
I swear this is the last Ben Affleck one, but it would be so funny and so immediately recognizable to people who are in the know, which is the sign of a fabulous costume.
Ben Affleck in Argo
Psych, I had another Ben idea. This costume would only matter to me, because I love Argo. If you come to my house in this costume……I will love it so much.